Thought of my life

So after a few days texted with him, I deeply feel we changed...

I don't know it is the one I want or not.
because the one i missed was the past --- Sticker Hong.
But i have no right to blame because I'm the one who changed him.

I'm getting concerned and unhappy when I don't received the text immediately like previously.
But I'm happy when i received the text.
I felt I'm being played or just some test.
Yes I am disappointed. So I am not sure whether I shall continue it or not..

Sometimes I feel being alone is nice too..
Is quiet nothing to worry peaceful.

I just dont want rush everything so fast now.
I'm getting tired.

I need more time to think of my future life..
cause I'm the person can't see future.
Decide through feelings in minute like second.. (s**t CANCER)

The next day is your birthday..
Actually I planned to buy you a present but I dont dare I am not brave enough.
I am not strong as I thought.
I always ask for perfection.
I always follow what other thinks.
I always compared.
So i'm wrong this time, i dont need perfection, i dont need follow other's thought, I just need someone that can go crazy, silly and understand my lame jokes and be happy..
I lost it..

I want to be strong i dont like myself now.
Trying to apply jobs that is near with you.
but not sure is a right things or not.
I miss you, I love you.