The day The day if i gone

Is your BIRTHDAY!

Hope you have a blast one. :)

Didn't able to celebrate this year. I'm sorry.

I know Birthday is kind of important for u.

So i texted you.

I'm happy with the message i get..

But i feel im really a bitch now..

i try to move on but i failed and find you...

i dont know what i want now.

but i know my heart or myself is happy when im with u.
imy.. im afraid you will be away from me.. but i have to do so because you deserved the better one. feeling selfish i hate myself.

sometimes only sometimes, i really wish to die. so everything solved, people, know I love you that much I don't have to explain any further...
but just today my friend, Tea she told me her sis just pass away. and how sad is she...
I feel so sorry and i feel bad for my own family if i died.

I want you back but I'm afraid I don't know how to face the people we love especially our families.
I know they say relationship just both of us but I want their blessed if we are together...
I know I know it would be worth if we can go through this just I'm afraid I will give up if they don't bless us and I just don't want to mess up your life again and especially with your family.

I know myself too well, give up easily when there is a force, I doubt myself.

Thought of my life

So after a few days texted with him, I deeply feel we changed...

I don't know it is the one I want or not.
because the one i missed was the past --- Sticker Hong.
But i have no right to blame because I'm the one who changed him.

I'm getting concerned and unhappy when I don't received the text immediately like previously.
But I'm happy when i received the text.
I felt I'm being played or just some test.
Yes I am disappointed. So I am not sure whether I shall continue it or not..

Sometimes I feel being alone is nice too..
Is quiet nothing to worry peaceful.

I just dont want rush everything so fast now.
I'm getting tired.

I need more time to think of my future life..
cause I'm the person can't see future.
Decide through feelings in minute like second.. (s**t CANCER)

The next day is your birthday..
Actually I planned to buy you a present but I dont dare I am not brave enough.
I am not strong as I thought.
I always ask for perfection.
I always follow what other thinks.
I always compared.
So i'm wrong this time, i dont need perfection, i dont need follow other's thought, I just need someone that can go crazy, silly and understand my lame jokes and be happy..
I lost it..

I want to be strong i dont like myself now.
Trying to apply jobs that is near with you.
but not sure is a right things or not.
I miss you, I love you.

Broke down

Yesterday. once again I broke down very badly..

I keep writing the things I want to tell him but end up I have no BRAVE.

However, I accidentally pressed called but I just cut off. I don't dare..

And again I typed what I want and sent because someone told me if u never try, never know.

But in the end, i recalled the message too.

I dont know, I just know i dont dare to call/text him. cause i have no right to do all this things..

But then the next day he asked me whether im okay or not..

I really hate myselfffffffffff.
but i realize im happy talk with him. :/

Im sorry i messed up my life..........

Speak out your fear.

When you are down, someone is there for you...

Could not ask for more....

I had expressed my feelings/thoughts,

and what I get from is supports.

He said, 'You are still young, you have the right to choose, unless you are married!' 

He said, 'Maybe you missed the trait',  'Don't have to think about all those principles', 'Only want me to be happy'.

I'm really touched by what he said. 

I'm blessed to have him too. 

Thanks very much.

I feel like you are my angel. <3 div="" nbsp="">

Life going on..

Used my brave for my first step ----------- ASK

Got back what I want ---------------- ANSWER

                                   BUT

                        IS NOT SATISFIED

Well, this is what they called L.I.F.E.

Not always you will get a Satisfied answer, an answer that you want to hear the most.

Life is always up and down.

Without down, we won't know the taste of feeling up.

So thanks to the down feeling or the unwanted experienced you have in life because of that you learned to be stronger and much more appreciate the things that make you happy.

Is funny I wrote it before in previous post this, but everything turns into pieces because I had abandoned the blog for so long and never realize itttttttttttttttttttttt.

The story began in September 2017.....

Will continue in the next post.

Don't be naive don't be naive
Grow up grow up
Be happy be happy
Appreciate everyone around you

My story

25th Dec is one of the day we meet.

4 years ago from a stranger to friend to couple.

And after 4years in the same date same month different year, we decided to become stranger once again.

I dare not say nobody wrong as I always say nobody was wrong but this time was not the my time to decide whether is correct or wrong. It was also my weak point as I like to make everything clear. (Black & white)

Was so funny after I think all about it.

In love with a guy that love his family, honest, loyal to his family. But in the end is the one that destroy everything. I don't hate them I just don't feel uncomfortable. The honesty telling all the true which the girl would not like sometimes. The love and loyal to his family, make you feel you would have wonderful family in future. But always have to take care of their feeling sometime just ignore yours and end up had an argue with the one u love.

I always wonder is it I'm the only one feel that way..

I had understand and learn some for this time. Be love or in love is not easy. And just realize long distance is everything bout tolerance and understanding.

Too bad two badass had a very bad temper. One love to scold and one love to cry which hurt the other one badly.

Love does not mean you have to do everything to be together..love is give what you feel the best for your other half. They happy you happy.

What you should appreciate now was just memories and thanks to the memories. And im sure because of this memories you learn you grow and you know how strong you would be. :)