THE only things

unconsciously my dream gets me the answer.

Keep dreaming about him.

I just don't dare to make a step. Is either stay on it or move on...

When I decided or trying to stay, I feel like I don't have the care I want.
I asked him every single question! Yes, he answered me with YES / NO.
He never even asks me any questions.
I feel he doesn't even want to answer me.
I feel I am annoying or frustrated him.
I feel left out. :(

and 

secretly 

I 

hope

he

say 

it

by

himself. 

Lets

break

up.

What is this

To dear 2018,

Can I be much stronger? Can I be more brave and independent? Enough of hurting people.

Can I have more imagination on my future? I need commitment but I can't even see the future.

From 2017, I learned the wrong I learned what I want but I just need a little bit more.

In the coming of 2018, I have learned to mix/socialize with people It is the good steps.



The past or the present me,

I feel I don't have any dignity, not strong enough, I missed him but I knew the other guy was waiting for me but sometimes I don't see his effort of it.

maybe because both of us are kind of similar as in the relationship.
We don't stick with each other at all.
We keep our things to own self.
We love our life/family where we don't really put each other on the priority
Where it seems like we don't put any efforts.
He likes to call, I like to type.
He sleeps early, I sleep late.
He wakes early, I wake up late.
He loves the sport, I love movies.
He eats healthy, I eat unhealthily.
Sometimes it seems the same and the differences are okay but not really for me now.
We have nothing to talk about is it a good thing = no argue (which I really hope for).
But what I need is communication going on. Can't seem he knows what going on with me or either of us....

I don't even know how it goes..

The day The day if i gone

Is your BIRTHDAY!

Hope you have a blast one. :)

Didn't able to celebrate this year. I'm sorry.

I know Birthday is kind of important for u.

So i texted you.

I'm happy with the message i get..

But i feel im really a bitch now..

i try to move on but i failed and find you...

i dont know what i want now.

but i know my heart or myself is happy when im with u.
imy.. im afraid you will be away from me.. but i have to do so because you deserved the better one. feeling selfish i hate myself.

sometimes only sometimes, i really wish to die. so everything solved, people, know I love you that much I don't have to explain any further...
but just today my friend, Tea she told me her sis just pass away. and how sad is she...
I feel so sorry and i feel bad for my own family if i died.

I want you back but I'm afraid I don't know how to face the people we love especially our families.
I know they say relationship just both of us but I want their blessed if we are together...
I know I know it would be worth if we can go through this just I'm afraid I will give up if they don't bless us and I just don't want to mess up your life again and especially with your family.

I know myself too well, give up easily when there is a force, I doubt myself.

Thought of my life

So after a few days texted with him, I deeply feel we changed...

I don't know it is the one I want or not.
because the one i missed was the past --- Sticker Hong.
But i have no right to blame because I'm the one who changed him.

I'm getting concerned and unhappy when I don't received the text immediately like previously.
But I'm happy when i received the text.
I felt I'm being played or just some test.
Yes I am disappointed. So I am not sure whether I shall continue it or not..

Sometimes I feel being alone is nice too..
Is quiet nothing to worry peaceful.

I just dont want rush everything so fast now.
I'm getting tired.

I need more time to think of my future life..
cause I'm the person can't see future.
Decide through feelings in minute like second.. (s**t CANCER)

The next day is your birthday..
Actually I planned to buy you a present but I dont dare I am not brave enough.
I am not strong as I thought.
I always ask for perfection.
I always follow what other thinks.
I always compared.
So i'm wrong this time, i dont need perfection, i dont need follow other's thought, I just need someone that can go crazy, silly and understand my lame jokes and be happy..
I lost it..

I want to be strong i dont like myself now.
Trying to apply jobs that is near with you.
but not sure is a right things or not.
I miss you, I love you.

Broke down

Yesterday. once again I broke down very badly..

I keep writing the things I want to tell him but end up I have no BRAVE.

However, I accidentally pressed called but I just cut off. I don't dare..

And again I typed what I want and sent because someone told me if u never try, never know.

But in the end, i recalled the message too.

I dont know, I just know i dont dare to call/text him. cause i have no right to do all this things..

But then the next day he asked me whether im okay or not..

I really hate myselfffffffffff.
but i realize im happy talk with him. :/

Im sorry i messed up my life..........

Speak out your fear.

When you are down, someone is there for you...

Could not ask for more....

I had expressed my feelings/thoughts,

and what I get from is supports.

He said, 'You are still young, you have the right to choose, unless you are married!' 

He said, 'Maybe you missed the trait',  'Don't have to think about all those principles', 'Only want me to be happy'.

I'm really touched by what he said. 

I'm blessed to have him too. 

Thanks very much.

I feel like you are my angel. <3 div="" nbsp="">

Life going on..

Used my brave for my first step ----------- ASK

Got back what I want ---------------- ANSWER

                                   BUT

                        IS NOT SATISFIED

Well, this is what they called L.I.F.E.

Not always you will get a Satisfied answer, an answer that you want to hear the most.

Life is always up and down.

Without down, we won't know the taste of feeling up.

So thanks to the down feeling or the unwanted experienced you have in life because of that you learned to be stronger and much more appreciate the things that make you happy.

Is funny I wrote it before in previous post this, but everything turns into pieces because I had abandoned the blog for so long and never realize itttttttttttttttttttttt.

The story began in September 2017.....

Will continue in the next post.